понедельник, 20 октября 2008 г.

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The reason dr. Coulter wanted to see me twice this week was she really thought i was going to hurt myself on thursday.

O_o

apparently.

she didnapos;t expressly say it but she asked me about being triggered and my feelings of wanting to cut and when i told her that it was pretty okay this weekend, she was shocked and was like "well, on thursday you sounded really upset and you were really triggered". And the way she said it makes me think that is why she wanted to see me twice this week.

special.
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воскресенье, 19 октября 2008 г.

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I canapos;t believe it... Honestly, Iapos;m still stunned. *breathe* Well, she finally said sheapos;d be okay with it. She even said that she and my grandmother would help me pay for it so that I could make it happen. Wow. Acceptance and support? Holy shite... I never saw this coming

Last night, I�told my�mom about my desire to officially change my name to Wilhelmina Michaela Nicholson. Iapos;ve been wanting to change it for years but never had the money to throw down for it. It just never was important enough- especially since I already use�Mina full-time... Even at work.We talked about my desire to take on my motherapos;s maiden�name in honor�of my PopPop.�When�he passed in January, I lost�a father... He was so much more than a grandparent. He was my rock, my support... The cheerleader in my corner that taught me I could do anything I set my mind to. He showed me the world was my oyster... And as my graduation from NCC approaches, I wanted to give him (and not my dead-beat father) the credit for all of my accomplishments. Graduating with a 3.93 GPA and what I believe to be Summa Cum�Laude, I want him to be there with me... Even if only in spirit. In my heart, I know heapos;s proud of me.

Mom said sheapos;ll prolly still call me Toni, but sheapos;s okay with it. Actually, she said she might be able to get used to Wilhelmina... She likes that a tad better. She didnapos;t fight it... Not like before- although�Mom did try to convince me to take on a different middle-name. LOL�But then I realized what my initials will be... WMN. Women. How appropriate for this gender radical feminist I couldnapos;t have picked it better myself ;)

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In other news, Francesapos; birthday last night was fun. Went out for drinks and too much Indian and died a little before watching Dylan Moran (which has now got to the sad state were I laugh before he speaks because Iapos;ve watched his stand up DVDs far too many times. I love Dylan Moran and I reaaally need to get tickets to see him before they sell out.)

Now off to read the rest of Midsummer Nights Dream and A Comedy of Errors.
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суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

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Donapos;t get used to this, Iapos;d say. My passion in life is music, which probably upsets my mom who is totally wrapped up in books. I like reading and I enjoy quite a few books, but Iapos;m just not into them enough to be writing a lot of reviews. Iapos;d say Iapos;ll only review something if it really, really strikes me in some way. And I donapos;t really see that happening a lot this coming year, considering Iapos;m taking two English courses: one focused on Melville and one focused on pre-16th Century British literature. Yeah. Iapos;ve been planning to read "It" by Stephen King at some point this summer, but I just havenapos;t gotten around to it. My time is taken up by obsessing about David Cook and writing all this crap

Anyway, this is a review of my very favorite book. Iapos;m not someone who rereads books, usually, but Iapos;ve read "The Catcher in the Rye" 14 times. I love all of J.D. Salingerapos;s works actually and my "Mirror Messages" R/Hr fanfic was actually inspired by a moment in his short story "Raise High the Roof Beams, Carpenters"


"The Catcher in the Rye"

One thing I know about myself is that no matter what the medium weapos;re discussing- film, television, books- the thing that will hook me in and keep me coming back is always people. I really canapos;t get into something if I donapos;t care about the characters and thatapos;s always the reason I get obsessed. I fall in love with the people: the relationships they forge with others, the mistakes the make, the successes they have, etc. "Buffy" is clever and interesting and unique and scary and all that, but the reason itapos;s in my heart forever is because I cared about Buffy Summers and her journey. "The Office" is hilarious and wonderful but itapos;s my favorite current show because I like the people and I want to see them succeed. I like songwriters who explore themselves and their personal relationships more than songwriters who right about generic crap that has nothing to do with them.

And thatapos;s pretty much the reason that "The Catcher in the Rye" moves me so much. There isnapos;t much of a plot to this book. Itapos;s basically a fucked-up kid wondering around New York City for three days. But itapos;s emotionally compelling and amazing and heart-wrenching because of Holden Caulfield and what an incredible character he is. My heart just aches for him. Itapos;s so clear that all he wants is a personal connection with someone that means something, and thatapos;s something I can certainly relate to. Heapos;s such a good, simple person at his heart but all his depression and loneliness has really made him complex. I feel like I know him. I feel like heapos;s real and that this really happened, because it could have. Heapos;s easily my favorite literary character ever: he can make me cry in one sentence and crack my shit up in the very next sentence. He tells the story how he wants to tell it and he tells it like a human, with asides and digressions and all the details that he deems important to the story. He leaves things out and youapos;re left to figure things out for yourself. I love Holden Caulfield. Iapos;d be his friend in a heartbeat.

And I love J.D. Salinger. Iapos;ve just never read a writer who has the grasp of language that he does. There isnapos;t any unnecessary verbiage. He writes like a person talks and thinks. He uses really amazing details to make important statements. An example is the way Holden uses suitcases to discuss class differences that can make friendships difficult. He never mentions the fact that heapos;s talking about class and money. Itapos;s just implied. He doesnapos;t SAY that he deeply loved his brother Allie and that his heart is forever broken by Allieapos;s death. You just know that those things are true by the way he talks about Allie and the details he chooses to share.

And, a final note, the speech Holden gives his sister Phoebe about wanting to be "the catcher in the rye" is pretty much the loveliest, most beautiful, most heartfelt thing I have ever read. I tear up every time I read that speech. "The Catcher in the Rye" is one of those little pieces of my life that I could never give up. Itapos;s as much a part of me as the Beatles are. Itapos;s so much more than a book to me.

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Oh my god. So now i see why things didnapos;t turn out the way i thought it would be. She is now open, you are open, i am open. And you just went straight for the jackpot. Jackpot equals not me.

ok, so now i got it. Iapos;ve got beautiful features. Nice smile. Nice hair. Nice face. But myself? Iapos;m confident, but like everyone Iapos;ve got inscurities also. Like Superman. He is super but what about those green rocks? just like me, my personality. I guess this is the first time that i really didnt get anywhere without my looks. Dont lead me on like taht. First i was like "Eugh�Hell no nigga." and then later people where like "OMG" and then i just was like "OH
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пятница, 17 октября 2008 г.

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Happiness is a reason for living.� From Happiness comes love.� Without happiness there would be no love, and without love there would be no happiness.� Happiness is never constant.� Sadness and depression sometimes has the power to overcome your happiness.� But it is up to you not to let them destroy�your happiness completely.� So that�eventually happiness will once again have the power to overcome your sadness or depression.� Everyone has the ability and right to be happy but everyone will also have to endure hard times.��� Iapos;ve struggled many times with feelings of depression and sadness but�I understand the value�and importance of happiness.� Therefore I do my best to keep a happy mind and�more importantly a happy heart.� God brings us struggles to make us�stronger but it is up to us to�get through those�struggles and find happiness again.� For those who choose the path of misery will�die a slow death and those who�choose to find happiness will live a fulfilling life. I wish for all my�family and�friends as well as the rest of human kind true happiness.� I pray that all those who are suffering will get through their struggles to experience happiness yet again.� When one is happy thier heart is at peace,�when they are depressed thier heart is weak, and when they are sad thier�heart is broken.� Happiness is a blessing from God.� Happiness is a�reason for living.


God Bless...
Be Happy������
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